Gotta get at least one more entry in before the year ends...

WOW it's been a while since I last wrote anything in here. Sorry bout that, got caught up in the problems of this physical plane… and I also slipped into this deep depression that I am still fighting off to this day (it comes on and off every now and then). Anyway, I've been in a total disconnect with my spiritual side, and it's kinda bugging me as of late, so I picked up a copy of

Mastering Astral Projection last week and I'm going to use that as my platform to get back into the spiritual side of things…. I figure once I perfect astral projection and am able to go anywhere and learn anything, I will be much more connected to the spiritual side of life and I'll be more equipped to deal with the problems of this physical existence.   I am still aiming to create a political ideology of some sort that successfully combines spirituality with concepts from this physical plane in order to form a more perfect world…it's a long shot, I know, but I figure it's still worth a try, eh? I'm also going to be trying out the Ganzfeld Experiment at some point, so I'll let you all know how that goes as well. Anyway, with this year coming to a close, it's important for me to note that a lot has happened and many things have changed in my life this year, some for the worse and some for the better… but as they say, everything happens for a reason, and there are a lot of awesome people I am good friends with today whom I probably never would have crossed paths with had some of the darker times in my life never happened this year. It's a little cliché of me to say, but I wouldn't change any of it for the world. So here's to a roller coaster year of growth and development…. and here's looking to a new year, the year that will change EVERYTHING. 2012, here I come…..

Announcing a new Meetup Group: The San Diego County Warrior Circle!

So I posted the following message to a few of my Meetup groups announcing a new group that I have created for the military pagans in San DIego County. If this thing is successful and grows big enough, I might even have the Warrior Circle thing expand to other bases... it's part of the dream but a much later part, if you know what I mean. First I have to get this thing going.

"In light of the recent events that took place earlier this month at the US Air Force Academy, I have decided that now was the proper time for me to set my plans in motion and I created a new meetup group called San Diego County Warrior Circle. This is a pagan group for military servicemembers. Our goals are many, but the main one is to provide a stable community for pagan servicemembers. We are here to educate those new to the faith or those who are just curious about the things that we do. We are here to make sure that people know their rights when it comes to the military and religious practice and worship. If you are in the military, please join, and tell your other pagan or pagan-curious friends who are also serving. If you aren't in the military, but know someone who is, please invite them to check out this group. This is my dream and I would like to see it grow into something big, but I need your help to do it."

So there you have it, my latest update... Things are really starting to look up for me again, and I am so happy about that. I have Owls class tonight up at the Pagan House in Carlsbad, and every second spent up there is just an amazing time. I love being up there and basking in the energy of the place.

My progress so far...

So I have made a lot of progress in the past couple of months.... I've attended a bunch of rituals, raised a bunch of energy, and am now able to focus inward a lot better during meditation..... lately though, like in the past week or so, I've been kinda getting a calling to do some kind of magickal work.... I don't really know what it is just yet, all I know is that it's calling out to me and I'm supposed to do something about it. I'm really excited about the direction that my life is going in now, and it can really only get better from here. I am opening myself up to the mysteries and wonders of the Universe and Life. I recently registered for classes under a formal teacher, Carrie of Indigo Paths. and I am really excited to get the ball rolling on this part of my life. Valera recommended her to me so I sought her out, and now I am a student in her Basic Witchcraft class which starts on the 17th and lasts for 14 weeks! I can't wait to learn everything that she has to teach.... I am REALLY, REALLY excited for this!!

wonderful.

So i just got back home from a Full Moon Ritual with a bunch of pagans in San Diego County... it was awesome. I loved it. It was my first ritual and I didn't quite know what to expect, but it was so much fun! The people were great and everyone was so friendly and I just loved it all. It was a wonderful experience. I can't wait for more meetups with the pagans in the area. I had a wonderful conversation with the high priestess of the ceremony afterwards and she shared many enlightening things about life and stuff and she said that she had sensed that there was an archangel working with me.... I figure that it's Metatron, because of that one period of time when I would always see his name all over the place. But anyway....this is exactly what I have been looking for to help complete my pagan experience... this is just the bit of motivation that I need to keep on going with my pagan studies and spiritual growth... so I plan on doing more of these and learning a lot more.

on another note, in dealing with synchronicity, for some odd reason that I do not quite know yet, lately gay stuff has been popping up around me.... i mean just very recently. like in the past two days it seems like the whole world is screaming gay at me lol. i don't quite understand why but it seems like no matter where I go, there always seems to be something gay that shows up or happens...hmmm. i wonder what it all means. any thoughts, folks?

Self reading using the Moving Spread

So I found this awesome spread on Aeclectic Tarot for insight into making big moves, and I thought that it was a perfect chance for me to get some insight into this big move of mine from Bremerton, WA to San Diego, CA. I'll post the spread sheet that I made on photoshop here along with the picture of the actual reading spread. I am also using a brand new deck that I bought just the other day, the Dragon Tarot , which I find to be beautiful and full of inspiring images that can help the intuitive process in tarot readings...

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1. Page of Swords - This tells me that I was feeling somewhat "trapped" back in Washington, and my need to regain my freedom has allowed me to accept this move that was caused by circumstances beyond my control.

2. 20 Judgement - This tells me that I have learned that life is all about transformation, and that each big move in life brings on a new transformation and new lessons to learn.

3. Queen of Cups - This reminds me of how I felt about things before I made my move down here; how emotional I was about everything and how sad I was about having to move.

4. Two of Coins - This tells me that I will be in the same line of work, but I will be moving on to a different place (which is definitely the case here).

5. Six of Swords - This tells me that I will learn to accept this big move because it will take me away from a lot of negativity in my life (which happens to also be very true, as my time on the Stennis resulted in a lot of bad memories and experiences which has led to so much negativity towards my being in the Navy)

6. Page of Coins - This describes exactly how I feel about the whole situation; I have been wanting to cross rate into something else (take on a new job in the Navy) because my job is just too dull and unenjoyable for me.... and I have also been wanting to take on more responsibility by getting promoted (which will hopefully happen this month).

7. 12 The Hanging Dragon - This tells me that I worry that I will spend too much time here doing nothing; that there will be a lot of idle time and it will be a while before I get new orders to a new command (which is, in fact, something that I worry about often since I moved down here)

8. Six of Cups - The meaning behind this card showing up in this position is far too personal for me to fully explain on this blog.... However I will say this; I do indeed have many lessons about sharing, giving, and receiving to learn so that this situation doesn't end up happening to someone else.

9. Ace of Coins - This card tells me that this move does not come without its benefits. A new doorway is opening up in my work life, and this to me means that I will get to start anew at a new command and hopefully do a lot better than I did at my last command.

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All in all, this reading was very accurate for me and I am very pleased with the results. The tarot just keeps on bringing me new surprises every day and I am finally starting to learn some of the cards.... I just need to keep this up and hopefully soon I won't need to look in a book for reference any more ;)

So what do you think of my reading? All comments are welcome and greatly appreciated!

Understanding...

So this was my birthday weekend, and it was full of partying and getting drunk and the like, but I'd have to say that something very significant did come out of it all. Friday night was the first party; my best friend Bobby took me to one of his friends' places and we had a little party.... it was all fun and games until the drama unfolded and hurtful things were said between Bobby and his girlfriend... So anyway the point I'm trying to get at here is that after that night I finally understand what Bobby's role in my life is, and why he's here as my best friend now. That night he was in tears as he spilled out his whole life story; and most parts of it eerily mirrored parts of my own life and my troubled childhood and adolescence. After talking to him and listening to his story, it finally dawned on me (I had always believed in it before, but this just confirmed it without a doubt) that everything in life really does happen for a reason. I had lived a very emotionally troubled childhood and adolescence and I had weathered the great storm that was that part of my life so that on that day, when Bobby spilt his life out to me, I would be able to immediately make a connection on an emotional and spiritual level.... It all came together, like the pieces of a puzzle had suddenly just been put together to form the big picture right in front of my eyes. I finally understand now. And I know what I must do.

Tarot reading for Brandon

So today my buddy Brandon started chatting with me on Facebook and we got around to talking about him and Keisha and what their situation is like now... and well it eventually turned into a tarot reading because I saw the avenue for me to be able to practice my reading skills.... and here it is, complete with the spread image that I made on photoshop, and the picture of the actual layout of the cards:

1.Four of Cups

2. The Moon

3. Ten of Swords

4. Seven of Pentacles

5. Ace of Swords

6. King of Pentacles, The Universe

7. Prince of Cups, The Magician

8. Queen of Wands, Eight of Pentacles

Brandon



oh



ready

10:45amKelvin



alright. What I'm getting for how things stand at the moment is that your life seems stale and flat because you've lost interest in other things now that she's not all there with you, you're stuck emotionally

10:47amBrandon



i agree with the first

10:48amKelvin



2. what your head is telling you about the relationship: The Moon tells me that you have fears and anxieties about the situation; it's also a signal that you feel lost and are wandering around aimlessly, trying to find you way back to your place of clarity and purpose (her).

10:49amBrandonim afraid someone will take her from me.thats my fear



10:50amBrandon is offline.10:51amBrandon is online.

10:51amBrandon



sorry my facebook screwed up im still here

10:51amKelvin



3. what your heart is telling you about the relationship: i'm getting that you feel like you have hit rock bottom with the situation and her not fully being in your life at the moment.... the card i drew symbolizes martyrdom; your heart is telling you that at the moment you kind of feel like a doormat and you are feeling self-deprecating

10:52amBrandon



well she is the only thing i think of most..



i loved her so much that now that shes gone everything feels so bland. not even food tastes good anymore.

10:56amKelvin



exactly. 4. the impression you're giving to her: i'm getting that there is a sense of direction change with you, she feels as if you are now questioning your choices or thinking about change

10:57amBrandon



well ive told her about me changing and being a better man for her

10:58amKelvin



5. what her head is telling her about the relationship: this situation is a challenge that will test her in some way. life had been going smoothly for her for a while, but now the hurdle is here and she must face the challenge with courage, honesty, and a firm resolve.

11:01amBrandon



she is very set on doing a lot for herself right now, w/out having to worry about a bf. i might be the challenge because i want ot be with her so badly. the honesty could be our talk soon and the resolve could be us

11:03amKelvin



6. what her heart is telling her about the relationship: she's in a position right now to realize her heart's desire. the card is telling me that integration plays a role for her right now, she must bring the separate parts together and create synthesis in order to find a beautiful solution to the situation

11:06amBrandon



i may be the seperate part. i want her to be happy and have fun and i understand what she wants, its just extremely hard for me to cope with it. i know that if i was just cool with everything then things would fall into place better

11:06amKelvin



7. the impression she gives you: her emotions and intuition are set on understanding exactly what she wants and she is committed to getting it

11:06amBrandon



so basically what i said

11:09amBrandon



seems like im the missing piece in the puzzle.

11:11amKelvin



8. where things are headed in the next few months: ok so for this one, the card is telling you to keep hammering away at the situation, you must give 110% (which, from what I'm getting from you, you already are) to the situation at hand. just buckle down and do it. the labor you put out is deeply satisfying and productive. the key to success here is extraordinary effort. just give it your all in every way.

11:12amBrandon



i'll do everything in my power. i have to, i need her so much...

11:12amKelvin



and well i thought i was done, but while i was putting the cards back in the deck and shuffling, another final card popped out

11:13amBrandon



you missed one?



or it fell out? is that like a sign



i dunno how that works

11:13amKelvin



it fell out, which means that there's something else that needs to get to you



here it is: the card that popped out was The Lovers

11:14amBrandon



oh

11:15amBrandon



i wonder what it means

11:17amKelvinso what i'm getting from this card is that the urge for union is in its highest form, and that your relationship with her is based on deep love. the lovers card symbolizes the attractive force that drew you two together in the relationship. what i'm getting from the fact that it popped out at the last minute, after I thought I was finished with the reading, is that maybe you should take some time to look at the situation and find out what it was that drew you two together back in the day, figure it out and try to bring out elements or aspects of that first meeting, that first attraction into her life now

11:20amBrandon



we had a lot in common. that has to be some sort of sign. im always telling her that i want to get things back to the way they were when we met or atleast close to it

11:22amKelvin



I see.... well then maybe instead of telling her, you could surprise her sometime, and try to recreate a scene or event that cemented your reletionship, you know, try to remind her why it is that you love her so much



remind her how you felt with each other back in the day

so what did you think of my reading?

11:26amBrandon



frighteningly accurate lol

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So there you go, my reading for today. It's good practice I suppose, and like they say, the only way to get good at something is through constant practice. Hopefully I am improving with each reading that I do. I also do readings on myself and a daily card draw type of thing, so I will hopefully be able to learn quicker.







Let me know what you guys think.

My thoughts on 2012.

SO I was talking to Amanda today and somehow we ended up talking about the end of the world. She was absolutely scared shitless, and I tried to explain to her that's not how it'll work but she was just too scared to even talk about it. Which brought me to wanting to write this blog. So after doing some reading into 21012, I have my own personal thoughts on it and other things that I believe are connected to it. What do I think will happen? The world as we know it will come to an end. The key words there are "as we know it." Most people, upon reading these words, will immediately think that something catastrophic will happen that will destroy our planet and kill us all in the process. This isn't the case, really. What Do I think about what will happen in 2012? I believe that the Christian rapture will occur. But not as they had expected it. I grew up going to Christian schools, so I was brought up to always believe that one day Jesus would come back to earth and take all of the believers away and leave everyone else behind. Obviously a couple of years have passed since my elementary school days. With my age comes a new understanding of the Christian concept known as "The Rapture." When I first heard of 2012 it only took me a minute to make the connection between 2012 and the Christian "Rapture." I believe that in 2012, everything will change. The world as we know will come to an end because those of us who have been on a path to higher consciousness will finally be vibrating at a high enough frequency for us to make the shift into higher consciousness, causing us to "disappear" from human sight as we move our existence into another plane. Those who are not on the path yet shall be stuck in the physical plane, unable to see us, thinking that we have all just disappeared. Here is where I make the connection between this and Christians. The Rapture is our ascension into a higher plane of existence, and those who are "Left Behind" will be those who aren't quite at that level of spirituality yet. This is where they get the whole "believers vs. non-believers" stuff. Keep in mind though I have nothing even near factual to support any of this, this is just my thoughts on the whole 2012 "scare". I read a bunch of other stuff about how everything ties in together but I can't remember any of it right now, sorry about that. For now I guess you will have to settle for this. Feel free to comment and let me know what your take on it all is.

Reality...

An interesting video I found on Youtube that I think you should see.


This video in a way brings me back to my childhood. When I was a young boy, maybe around the age of 7 or 8, I recall always wondering "What if the lives we live from day to day are really just dreams, and we're in the 'real world' waiting to wake up and see what life in the real world is like?" I would always ask my teachers this every year in elementary school, and all they would ever tell me was that "We should live life to its fullest then, I guess, right?" That answer never satisfied me. And then it was the year 1999 and Hollywood came out with the hit movie The Matrix. I was just a boy of 10 at the time, so naturally I didn't quite have the interest in seeing this movie; In fact my parents would watch it from time to time, but I never sat around when it was playing. I did, however, manage to see The Thirteenth Floor with my family. While I didn't understand everything that was going on at the time, I was amazed when I watched that movie because I thought to myself, "This is EXACTLY what I've been thinking about!" I let it rest for a few years after that (I don't know why), but when I got a little older I decided to sit down and watch The Matrix. Upon viewing the film, I suddenly remembered my childhood and I remembered that I had been thinking of something like this since before the movie ever came out... It got me thinking, well if I'm not the only one who's been thinking this then there has to be some sort of truth to it all, doesn't there? And now in the height of my spiritual growth, I realize that I was most definitely not just a little kid with a big imagination. Somehow, as a little kid, I had that knowledge in me. And I realize now that everything is true. It might not be exactly true in the same way that I was thinking when I was a kid, but it is true. This life that we live from day to day, it's just a dream. And our real selves and our friends and family members who have all woken up into their real lives are waiting for us. Reality as we know it is most definitely not what it seems anymore.... we have all been living a dream, and everything we have grown up learning has trained us to stay asleep in this "dream world"..... but times are changing and more and more people are waking up into this realization.... it's time you woke up too.

Tarot Card reading for Chris

Ok so today Chris approached me with a question about his long time friend, and what he should do about his current situation with him. here is his message:

[11:39:13] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Ok its just one question



[11:39:32] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: I just want to know if there ever was a possibility or even a chance for us to be together in the future....



And so, the first thought that came to mind was, "What a great opportunity for me to practice my reading skills!" And so I told him to hold on real quick while I busted out my tarot cards. The deck I am using at the moment is The Witches Tarot; though it isn't the first deck that I've bought (in the past, I have bought The Vampire Tarot and The Ancient Egyptian Oracle), it's definitely the first one that I can actually understand and connect with. I really like the images in the cards; when I can't quite connect with the meanings in the book, I look at the cards again and am able to understand the meaning through the illustration. So anyway, the decks that I bought before, I bought at a time when my mind wasn't quite advanced enough to understand how they worked and I guess I just wasn't mature enough to be able to use them "properly." With this deck, though, I am much older and I now have an understanding of how cards work for us, so that definitely contributes to the success of my reading today. I have posted a picture of the spread and I also posted the chat log below it so you can check out how it went and give me feedback on how I did. This is my first reading ever with tarot cards, and I am quite aware that I have a long way to go until I can get real good at it, so please bear with me if things I said seem kind of verbatim at times. Just give me time, and I will grow. Practice is the best way to improve, right? Oh, and if you're not familiar with The Witches Tarot, you're probably wondering why there are three cards in position 5 on the spread. This deck uses court cards to modify the next card dealt. So if you draw a court card, you draw another card and place it on top of that court card, and they should be read together. The court card will signify the status of the card on top of it. This one (#5) was a little more difficult for me to interpret, and you will probably see that when you rad the chat log. So without further ado, here it is.



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1. Three of Wands

2. Four of Pentacles

3. Judgement

4. Nine of Wands

5. King of Pentacles, Prince of Swords, Ten of Cups

6. Ace of Swords

7. Seven of Pentacles

8. Ten of Swords

9. The Moon

10. The Tower

[12:03:55] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: let's begin.

[12:05:06] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: ok

[12:05:47] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: so for present influences i'm getting that your ideas are taking shape and have finally begun to get clearer for you. you have an understanding now of what needs to happen. you should follow up on your ideas and continue to pursue them.



[12:05:55] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 2.

[12:06:01] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: present events that will affect you:

[12:06:30] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: hmm ok that means the decision I've made for myself regarding the situation needs to be executed

[12:07:08] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Ee gad ok

[12:07:37] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: you're at a point in your life where you want safety, security, etc. you wanna be able to settle down in a good house, etc.

[12:07:54] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: being healthy, etc.

[12:07:59] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Wow...

[12:08:10] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: You hit the bullseye with that one Rodeo

[12:08:27] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 3. past events that will affect you:

[12:09:38] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: your spiritual awakening has brought you into a mode where you see things that are more than the physical realm has offered. you possibly might even have seen past lives in play.

[12:10:08] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 4. passing influences:

[12:10:45] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: WOW @ 3

[12:10:47] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: So dead on

[12:11:28] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: your psychic passages are opening, providing you deeper levels of consciousness and improved memory. your ideals are about to become reality and offer you independence.

[12:11:37] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 5. future events:

[12:15:38] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: your true feelings will manifest, and your feelings will no longer be unsure. what you have intuited will come to pass, and this has already taken shape in action, but is currently still in the stage of creative urge.

[12:15:56] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: anything that can manifest on the physical has become possible.



[12:16:08] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 6. future influences:



[12:16:16] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: hmm ok



[12:18:00] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: initiative, courage, and the ability to act are in play here. the card i drew represents a new action, or act of will. you might discover a new way of doing things that will possibly result in a step forward.



[12:18:25] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 7. environment:



[12:20:34] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: your environment is helping you to acheive your physical goal, resulting in a long-awaited harvest for you.

[12:20:52] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: hmm ok

[12:22:06] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: your strength here lies in your ability to see the physical results of your actions, however pleasant or unpleasant they may be, depending on what action you take.

[12:22:16] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 9. hopes and fears:

[12:22:24] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Clearly...

[12:24:14] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: you're worried about him being able to accept things that are "hidden beneath the surface" and discovering your nature.....

[12:24:24] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: and finally, 10. final outcome...

[12:25:49] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Hidden beneath his surface

[12:25:59] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: because he's known how I've felt about him for the last 7 years yo

[12:26:16] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: and yet he still stayed with his gf and went out with 2 girls after that

[12:26:24] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: you are moving toward illumination. everything has led you to a point where your personal insights and intuition will lead you in the right direction. you must trust that whatever you feel is right, is actually right.

[12:26:53] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: yes and confronting him and telling him and asking him

[12:26:56] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Is the right thing

[12:27:10] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Because I feel, or I know its prevented me from moving past all my indiscretions

[12:27:12] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: and just moving on

[12:30:09] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: i see...

[12:30:15] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: so what do you think of my reading?

[12:30:31] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Its more than fairly accurate

[12:30:42] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Its dead on

[12:30:53] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: I just now need to accomplish what I have set myself out to do

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So..... what do you guys think? All comments are welcome... I hope to be reading some good suggestions/pointers from whoever reads this.

hmmm....

so progress for me has been quite slow lately... dunno why, I guess I just got caught up in watching Torchwood and playing WoW.... I need to find a way to get more motivated again so that I don't lose interest in this stuff like I did back in the day. For those of you who know me (which shouldn't be anyone reading this blog, as I haven't told anyone from back home about it), you all know that I was first "awakened" into this world of the occult and metaphysics back in the 7th grade, in the year 2002. I was but a wee little boy of the age of 12 back then, and one day I stumbled upon the movie "The Craft." It intrigued me so greatly that I went and did a ton of online research because I thought it was so cool. Around that time, I had already begun distancing myself from the Catholic religion that I had been brought up in. It just seemed too robotic, too concrete, too boring for me. It got to a point where I would either refuse to go to church, find an excuse not to go, or go to church to make my parents happy, only to fall asleep in the middle of mass or be bored out of my mind.

I found the concept of Wicca and witchcraft very interesting, so I delved further and further into that world, brining a few friends with me. These friends of mine who joined up with me saw The Craft at around the same time and were also interested in it, so we decided that it was better for us to all stick together on it and share information with each other. Soon, we began casting spells, nothing too intricate, just simple rain chants, glamours, etc. We also begun having dreams, very vivid and colorful dreams about random things. This whole escapade with witchcraft lasted us until about the middle of the school year of 8th grade. The others had said that they had grown out of it. After that, I tried to continue on, but it just didn't feel the same, and I eventually lost interest in it. All that was left of those days were the books that i had bought.

Summer came along and I went to the Philippines for summer vacation. While I was there, I discovered something that revived my interest in these things/brought me further along my growth. My cousin's husband, apparently, was also on a path of enlightenment, and he had been reading up and practicing all kinds of stuff with energy and chi manipulation, astral projection and the like. When I found this out, you can bet I was at their house all the time, always asking questions and wanting to learn more. My nephew was right there with me, always learning, and I remember I was always just a little bit jealous of him because he always seemed to be more advanced than I was. So throughout the summer, I tried to absorb as much from my cousin as I could, and he taught us everything that he could in such a short time. When it was time for me to go back home to Saipan, he gave me a couple of books to read if I was really serious about all this stuff.

When I got back, I started reading some of the books that he had given me, but eventually the rush of freshman year of high school life got to me and I once again drifted away from my path. I got so caught up in high school drama and high school business that I ended up pushing this side of me away for a while. It was on and off for me after that, my interest in the occult usually being re-sparked by me occasionally finding old stuff that I used to read or practice. Now, 7 years later, I am more determined than ever to further myself and my spirituality. I am much more mature now, and hopefully much more able to concentrate on these things. This time around of me rediscovering this path, I have already made significant progress. Back in the day, I could never meditate because I just would never be able to clear my mind; I'd always get distracted and let my mind wanter off because I didn't really know how to control my thoughts yet. While I do not know 100% how to control my thoughts, I most definitely can meditate now and I can also bring myself back to center when I find my mind straying away. It's great.

I choose to follow the path of shamanic practice because I believe it's what my ancestors and my family have been practicing for quite some time. For some reason, though, it stopped with my mother and father's generation. As far as I know, my family has had at least one person on each side (my mother's side and my father's side) set on a spiritual/shamanic path. When it came down to my parents' generation, however, it stopped. Before my mother and her sisters decided not to continue the line, her mother, grandmother, and great grandmother had all been popular practicing midwives back in the day. When I was a kid, I would remember that my father's cousin would always be making these little agimats (not too sure what the translation is in english, I think it's amulet?) for us to attach to the waistband of our shorts/pants to protect us from "something." That's all she ever explained, was that it was to protect us from "something." Of course, back then I just accepted it because I had no idea what was going on. Looking back on it now, however, I realize that she was on this path as well. For as long as I can remember, though my dad doesn't practice anything (as far as I know, that is), he has always been reading books about metaphysical topics and stuff like that. For whatever reason, the family's spiritual line skipped a generation and ended up calling out to me. While I don't mind this, I just wish that my parents could have continued with their family traditions... It would have made it a lot easier on me, you know?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading my book.