hmmm....

so progress for me has been quite slow lately... dunno why, I guess I just got caught up in watching Torchwood and playing WoW.... I need to find a way to get more motivated again so that I don't lose interest in this stuff like I did back in the day. For those of you who know me (which shouldn't be anyone reading this blog, as I haven't told anyone from back home about it), you all know that I was first "awakened" into this world of the occult and metaphysics back in the 7th grade, in the year 2002. I was but a wee little boy of the age of 12 back then, and one day I stumbled upon the movie "The Craft." It intrigued me so greatly that I went and did a ton of online research because I thought it was so cool. Around that time, I had already begun distancing myself from the Catholic religion that I had been brought up in. It just seemed too robotic, too concrete, too boring for me. It got to a point where I would either refuse to go to church, find an excuse not to go, or go to church to make my parents happy, only to fall asleep in the middle of mass or be bored out of my mind.

I found the concept of Wicca and witchcraft very interesting, so I delved further and further into that world, brining a few friends with me. These friends of mine who joined up with me saw The Craft at around the same time and were also interested in it, so we decided that it was better for us to all stick together on it and share information with each other. Soon, we began casting spells, nothing too intricate, just simple rain chants, glamours, etc. We also begun having dreams, very vivid and colorful dreams about random things. This whole escapade with witchcraft lasted us until about the middle of the school year of 8th grade. The others had said that they had grown out of it. After that, I tried to continue on, but it just didn't feel the same, and I eventually lost interest in it. All that was left of those days were the books that i had bought.

Summer came along and I went to the Philippines for summer vacation. While I was there, I discovered something that revived my interest in these things/brought me further along my growth. My cousin's husband, apparently, was also on a path of enlightenment, and he had been reading up and practicing all kinds of stuff with energy and chi manipulation, astral projection and the like. When I found this out, you can bet I was at their house all the time, always asking questions and wanting to learn more. My nephew was right there with me, always learning, and I remember I was always just a little bit jealous of him because he always seemed to be more advanced than I was. So throughout the summer, I tried to absorb as much from my cousin as I could, and he taught us everything that he could in such a short time. When it was time for me to go back home to Saipan, he gave me a couple of books to read if I was really serious about all this stuff.

When I got back, I started reading some of the books that he had given me, but eventually the rush of freshman year of high school life got to me and I once again drifted away from my path. I got so caught up in high school drama and high school business that I ended up pushing this side of me away for a while. It was on and off for me after that, my interest in the occult usually being re-sparked by me occasionally finding old stuff that I used to read or practice. Now, 7 years later, I am more determined than ever to further myself and my spirituality. I am much more mature now, and hopefully much more able to concentrate on these things. This time around of me rediscovering this path, I have already made significant progress. Back in the day, I could never meditate because I just would never be able to clear my mind; I'd always get distracted and let my mind wanter off because I didn't really know how to control my thoughts yet. While I do not know 100% how to control my thoughts, I most definitely can meditate now and I can also bring myself back to center when I find my mind straying away. It's great.

I choose to follow the path of shamanic practice because I believe it's what my ancestors and my family have been practicing for quite some time. For some reason, though, it stopped with my mother and father's generation. As far as I know, my family has had at least one person on each side (my mother's side and my father's side) set on a spiritual/shamanic path. When it came down to my parents' generation, however, it stopped. Before my mother and her sisters decided not to continue the line, her mother, grandmother, and great grandmother had all been popular practicing midwives back in the day. When I was a kid, I would remember that my father's cousin would always be making these little agimats (not too sure what the translation is in english, I think it's amulet?) for us to attach to the waistband of our shorts/pants to protect us from "something." That's all she ever explained, was that it was to protect us from "something." Of course, back then I just accepted it because I had no idea what was going on. Looking back on it now, however, I realize that she was on this path as well. For as long as I can remember, though my dad doesn't practice anything (as far as I know, that is), he has always been reading books about metaphysical topics and stuff like that. For whatever reason, the family's spiritual line skipped a generation and ended up calling out to me. While I don't mind this, I just wish that my parents could have continued with their family traditions... It would have made it a lot easier on me, you know?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading my book.