Salvia Divinorum

So Den, Dylan and I decided to go out and try Salvia Divinorum today.... they wanted to try and see what the trip was like, and I wanted to see how it could help me get into an altered state of mind that I could use in my work. Dylan was the first to go, and Den and I took hits after he did the first one.... Dylan started freaking out and Den and I just started laughing at him because his voice was different, kind of "blobby" idk how else to explain it lol it just was. Then he kept tripping and we kept laughing at him, and then I started to get upset because I wasn't feeling anything from it. So we went and did round two, this time Den started to feel it and she started to freak out and I was still here in full body and mind.... So while I was entertained by her trip I was growing more and more upset at the fact that I still hadn't experienced it. She tripped for a while, and then when she was done, She and Dylan went out and smoked. I went outside to grab the lighter, as I was still upset at not feeling anything from it, and they continued to smoke outside as I sat down and went for round three. This was the one that did it. Shortly after taking a hit, I slumped into the sofa, sitting straight up at first but then my head started feeling heavy so it laid down on its own and my eyes shut and I was immediately in another place. I don't quite know what it was, and I can't really explain it, but I will try my best. I was somewhere that kind of reminded me of my childhood home on Saipan, but I was like sitting on the front porch which was made of cement.... I heard a very loud sound repeating over and over and over again, it sounded like big machinery going on and on, kind of like a printing press I suppose. And then all of a sudden I felt like I was being sucked into the sound, and everything started to fade away into a kaleidoscopic pattern, the kaleidoscopic pattern kept going around and around and it was getting closer and closer to me, until it finally took me into it and absorbed me into the pattern. It kept on going, and I felt like I had to kick up my legs because my body was going sideways to continue fitting in with the pattern, it kept on going around and around and taking me with it. I laughed and called out to Den and I was like "Holy shit get in here!!" but I guess they didn't hear me so they didn't come... the pattern kept on going, the machinery kept on beating the same sound over and over again, and I had been completely absorbed into the kaleidoscopic spinning pattern... eventually I opened my eyes and started to come back.... They had returned to the living room by then, and I asked Den if she heard me call out to her, but she said no the only thing she heard was my constant laughter as they were coming back in... It was at this point that I suddenly had this weird emotional swing, and I got extremely sad that she didn't hear me call out to her... I said, "I called out to you..... but you never came..." and then I just slooped down further into the sofa and let it all sink in for a while... it was a weird feeling.... And then eventually I came back fully and here I am now writing about the whole experience in my blog using Dylan's computer. It was an.... interesting.... experience.

Tarot reading for Brandon

So today my buddy Brandon started chatting with me on Facebook and we got around to talking about him and Keisha and what their situation is like now... and well it eventually turned into a tarot reading because I saw the avenue for me to be able to practice my reading skills.... and here it is, complete with the spread image that I made on photoshop, and the picture of the actual layout of the cards:

1.Four of Cups

2. The Moon

3. Ten of Swords

4. Seven of Pentacles

5. Ace of Swords

6. King of Pentacles, The Universe

7. Prince of Cups, The Magician

8. Queen of Wands, Eight of Pentacles

Brandon



oh



ready

10:45amKelvin



alright. What I'm getting for how things stand at the moment is that your life seems stale and flat because you've lost interest in other things now that she's not all there with you, you're stuck emotionally

10:47amBrandon



i agree with the first

10:48amKelvin



2. what your head is telling you about the relationship: The Moon tells me that you have fears and anxieties about the situation; it's also a signal that you feel lost and are wandering around aimlessly, trying to find you way back to your place of clarity and purpose (her).

10:49amBrandonim afraid someone will take her from me.thats my fear



10:50amBrandon is offline.10:51amBrandon is online.

10:51amBrandon



sorry my facebook screwed up im still here

10:51amKelvin



3. what your heart is telling you about the relationship: i'm getting that you feel like you have hit rock bottom with the situation and her not fully being in your life at the moment.... the card i drew symbolizes martyrdom; your heart is telling you that at the moment you kind of feel like a doormat and you are feeling self-deprecating

10:52amBrandon



well she is the only thing i think of most..



i loved her so much that now that shes gone everything feels so bland. not even food tastes good anymore.

10:56amKelvin



exactly. 4. the impression you're giving to her: i'm getting that there is a sense of direction change with you, she feels as if you are now questioning your choices or thinking about change

10:57amBrandon



well ive told her about me changing and being a better man for her

10:58amKelvin



5. what her head is telling her about the relationship: this situation is a challenge that will test her in some way. life had been going smoothly for her for a while, but now the hurdle is here and she must face the challenge with courage, honesty, and a firm resolve.

11:01amBrandon



she is very set on doing a lot for herself right now, w/out having to worry about a bf. i might be the challenge because i want ot be with her so badly. the honesty could be our talk soon and the resolve could be us

11:03amKelvin



6. what her heart is telling her about the relationship: she's in a position right now to realize her heart's desire. the card is telling me that integration plays a role for her right now, she must bring the separate parts together and create synthesis in order to find a beautiful solution to the situation

11:06amBrandon



i may be the seperate part. i want her to be happy and have fun and i understand what she wants, its just extremely hard for me to cope with it. i know that if i was just cool with everything then things would fall into place better

11:06amKelvin



7. the impression she gives you: her emotions and intuition are set on understanding exactly what she wants and she is committed to getting it

11:06amBrandon



so basically what i said

11:09amBrandon



seems like im the missing piece in the puzzle.

11:11amKelvin



8. where things are headed in the next few months: ok so for this one, the card is telling you to keep hammering away at the situation, you must give 110% (which, from what I'm getting from you, you already are) to the situation at hand. just buckle down and do it. the labor you put out is deeply satisfying and productive. the key to success here is extraordinary effort. just give it your all in every way.

11:12amBrandon



i'll do everything in my power. i have to, i need her so much...

11:12amKelvin



and well i thought i was done, but while i was putting the cards back in the deck and shuffling, another final card popped out

11:13amBrandon



you missed one?



or it fell out? is that like a sign



i dunno how that works

11:13amKelvin



it fell out, which means that there's something else that needs to get to you



here it is: the card that popped out was The Lovers

11:14amBrandon



oh

11:15amBrandon



i wonder what it means

11:17amKelvinso what i'm getting from this card is that the urge for union is in its highest form, and that your relationship with her is based on deep love. the lovers card symbolizes the attractive force that drew you two together in the relationship. what i'm getting from the fact that it popped out at the last minute, after I thought I was finished with the reading, is that maybe you should take some time to look at the situation and find out what it was that drew you two together back in the day, figure it out and try to bring out elements or aspects of that first meeting, that first attraction into her life now

11:20amBrandon



we had a lot in common. that has to be some sort of sign. im always telling her that i want to get things back to the way they were when we met or atleast close to it

11:22amKelvin



I see.... well then maybe instead of telling her, you could surprise her sometime, and try to recreate a scene or event that cemented your reletionship, you know, try to remind her why it is that you love her so much



remind her how you felt with each other back in the day

so what did you think of my reading?

11:26amBrandon



frighteningly accurate lol

============================================================================







So there you go, my reading for today. It's good practice I suppose, and like they say, the only way to get good at something is through constant practice. Hopefully I am improving with each reading that I do. I also do readings on myself and a daily card draw type of thing, so I will hopefully be able to learn quicker.







Let me know what you guys think.

My thoughts on 2012.

SO I was talking to Amanda today and somehow we ended up talking about the end of the world. She was absolutely scared shitless, and I tried to explain to her that's not how it'll work but she was just too scared to even talk about it. Which brought me to wanting to write this blog. So after doing some reading into 21012, I have my own personal thoughts on it and other things that I believe are connected to it. What do I think will happen? The world as we know it will come to an end. The key words there are "as we know it." Most people, upon reading these words, will immediately think that something catastrophic will happen that will destroy our planet and kill us all in the process. This isn't the case, really. What Do I think about what will happen in 2012? I believe that the Christian rapture will occur. But not as they had expected it. I grew up going to Christian schools, so I was brought up to always believe that one day Jesus would come back to earth and take all of the believers away and leave everyone else behind. Obviously a couple of years have passed since my elementary school days. With my age comes a new understanding of the Christian concept known as "The Rapture." When I first heard of 2012 it only took me a minute to make the connection between 2012 and the Christian "Rapture." I believe that in 2012, everything will change. The world as we know will come to an end because those of us who have been on a path to higher consciousness will finally be vibrating at a high enough frequency for us to make the shift into higher consciousness, causing us to "disappear" from human sight as we move our existence into another plane. Those who are not on the path yet shall be stuck in the physical plane, unable to see us, thinking that we have all just disappeared. Here is where I make the connection between this and Christians. The Rapture is our ascension into a higher plane of existence, and those who are "Left Behind" will be those who aren't quite at that level of spirituality yet. This is where they get the whole "believers vs. non-believers" stuff. Keep in mind though I have nothing even near factual to support any of this, this is just my thoughts on the whole 2012 "scare". I read a bunch of other stuff about how everything ties in together but I can't remember any of it right now, sorry about that. For now I guess you will have to settle for this. Feel free to comment and let me know what your take on it all is.

Voodoo?

I just remembered outta nowhere that when I was a kid, I was obsessed with making voodoo dolls. I don't know where it came from or why I was doing it, but I used to make them all the time.... I remember cutting up the fabric into shapes of people, sewing two pieces together and leaving an opening for stuffing, and then sewing it shut. Odd.... very odd. And kinda creepy I'd imagine from a spectator's point of view... a little kid making and playing with voodoo dolls? hmmm....

Reality...

An interesting video I found on Youtube that I think you should see.


This video in a way brings me back to my childhood. When I was a young boy, maybe around the age of 7 or 8, I recall always wondering "What if the lives we live from day to day are really just dreams, and we're in the 'real world' waiting to wake up and see what life in the real world is like?" I would always ask my teachers this every year in elementary school, and all they would ever tell me was that "We should live life to its fullest then, I guess, right?" That answer never satisfied me. And then it was the year 1999 and Hollywood came out with the hit movie The Matrix. I was just a boy of 10 at the time, so naturally I didn't quite have the interest in seeing this movie; In fact my parents would watch it from time to time, but I never sat around when it was playing. I did, however, manage to see The Thirteenth Floor with my family. While I didn't understand everything that was going on at the time, I was amazed when I watched that movie because I thought to myself, "This is EXACTLY what I've been thinking about!" I let it rest for a few years after that (I don't know why), but when I got a little older I decided to sit down and watch The Matrix. Upon viewing the film, I suddenly remembered my childhood and I remembered that I had been thinking of something like this since before the movie ever came out... It got me thinking, well if I'm not the only one who's been thinking this then there has to be some sort of truth to it all, doesn't there? And now in the height of my spiritual growth, I realize that I was most definitely not just a little kid with a big imagination. Somehow, as a little kid, I had that knowledge in me. And I realize now that everything is true. It might not be exactly true in the same way that I was thinking when I was a kid, but it is true. This life that we live from day to day, it's just a dream. And our real selves and our friends and family members who have all woken up into their real lives are waiting for us. Reality as we know it is most definitely not what it seems anymore.... we have all been living a dream, and everything we have grown up learning has trained us to stay asleep in this "dream world"..... but times are changing and more and more people are waking up into this realization.... it's time you woke up too.

Tarot Card reading for Chris

Ok so today Chris approached me with a question about his long time friend, and what he should do about his current situation with him. here is his message:

[11:39:13] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Ok its just one question



[11:39:32] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: I just want to know if there ever was a possibility or even a chance for us to be together in the future....



And so, the first thought that came to mind was, "What a great opportunity for me to practice my reading skills!" And so I told him to hold on real quick while I busted out my tarot cards. The deck I am using at the moment is The Witches Tarot; though it isn't the first deck that I've bought (in the past, I have bought The Vampire Tarot and The Ancient Egyptian Oracle), it's definitely the first one that I can actually understand and connect with. I really like the images in the cards; when I can't quite connect with the meanings in the book, I look at the cards again and am able to understand the meaning through the illustration. So anyway, the decks that I bought before, I bought at a time when my mind wasn't quite advanced enough to understand how they worked and I guess I just wasn't mature enough to be able to use them "properly." With this deck, though, I am much older and I now have an understanding of how cards work for us, so that definitely contributes to the success of my reading today. I have posted a picture of the spread and I also posted the chat log below it so you can check out how it went and give me feedback on how I did. This is my first reading ever with tarot cards, and I am quite aware that I have a long way to go until I can get real good at it, so please bear with me if things I said seem kind of verbatim at times. Just give me time, and I will grow. Practice is the best way to improve, right? Oh, and if you're not familiar with The Witches Tarot, you're probably wondering why there are three cards in position 5 on the spread. This deck uses court cards to modify the next card dealt. So if you draw a court card, you draw another card and place it on top of that court card, and they should be read together. The court card will signify the status of the card on top of it. This one (#5) was a little more difficult for me to interpret, and you will probably see that when you rad the chat log. So without further ado, here it is.



==================================================================================



1. Three of Wands

2. Four of Pentacles

3. Judgement

4. Nine of Wands

5. King of Pentacles, Prince of Swords, Ten of Cups

6. Ace of Swords

7. Seven of Pentacles

8. Ten of Swords

9. The Moon

10. The Tower

[12:03:55] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: let's begin.

[12:05:06] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: ok

[12:05:47] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: so for present influences i'm getting that your ideas are taking shape and have finally begun to get clearer for you. you have an understanding now of what needs to happen. you should follow up on your ideas and continue to pursue them.



[12:05:55] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 2.

[12:06:01] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: present events that will affect you:

[12:06:30] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: hmm ok that means the decision I've made for myself regarding the situation needs to be executed

[12:07:08] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Ee gad ok

[12:07:37] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: you're at a point in your life where you want safety, security, etc. you wanna be able to settle down in a good house, etc.

[12:07:54] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: being healthy, etc.

[12:07:59] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Wow...

[12:08:10] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: You hit the bullseye with that one Rodeo

[12:08:27] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 3. past events that will affect you:

[12:09:38] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: your spiritual awakening has brought you into a mode where you see things that are more than the physical realm has offered. you possibly might even have seen past lives in play.

[12:10:08] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 4. passing influences:

[12:10:45] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: WOW @ 3

[12:10:47] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: So dead on

[12:11:28] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: your psychic passages are opening, providing you deeper levels of consciousness and improved memory. your ideals are about to become reality and offer you independence.

[12:11:37] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 5. future events:

[12:15:38] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: your true feelings will manifest, and your feelings will no longer be unsure. what you have intuited will come to pass, and this has already taken shape in action, but is currently still in the stage of creative urge.

[12:15:56] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: anything that can manifest on the physical has become possible.



[12:16:08] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 6. future influences:



[12:16:16] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: hmm ok



[12:18:00] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: initiative, courage, and the ability to act are in play here. the card i drew represents a new action, or act of will. you might discover a new way of doing things that will possibly result in a step forward.



[12:18:25] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 7. environment:



[12:20:34] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: your environment is helping you to acheive your physical goal, resulting in a long-awaited harvest for you.

[12:20:52] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: hmm ok

[12:22:06] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: your strength here lies in your ability to see the physical results of your actions, however pleasant or unpleasant they may be, depending on what action you take.

[12:22:16] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: 9. hopes and fears:

[12:22:24] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Clearly...

[12:24:14] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: you're worried about him being able to accept things that are "hidden beneath the surface" and discovering your nature.....

[12:24:24] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: and finally, 10. final outcome...

[12:25:49] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Hidden beneath his surface

[12:25:59] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: because he's known how I've felt about him for the last 7 years yo

[12:26:16] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: and yet he still stayed with his gf and went out with 2 girls after that

[12:26:24] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: you are moving toward illumination. everything has led you to a point where your personal insights and intuition will lead you in the right direction. you must trust that whatever you feel is right, is actually right.

[12:26:53] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: yes and confronting him and telling him and asking him

[12:26:56] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Is the right thing

[12:27:10] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Because I feel, or I know its prevented me from moving past all my indiscretions

[12:27:12] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: and just moving on

[12:30:09] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: i see...

[12:30:15] Haha, Great Lakes reunion in Washington!!! says: so what do you think of my reading?

[12:30:31] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Its more than fairly accurate

[12:30:42] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: Its dead on

[12:30:53] The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away he waited says: I just now need to accomplish what I have set myself out to do

==================================================================================

So..... what do you guys think? All comments are welcome... I hope to be reading some good suggestions/pointers from whoever reads this.

hmmm....

so progress for me has been quite slow lately... dunno why, I guess I just got caught up in watching Torchwood and playing WoW.... I need to find a way to get more motivated again so that I don't lose interest in this stuff like I did back in the day. For those of you who know me (which shouldn't be anyone reading this blog, as I haven't told anyone from back home about it), you all know that I was first "awakened" into this world of the occult and metaphysics back in the 7th grade, in the year 2002. I was but a wee little boy of the age of 12 back then, and one day I stumbled upon the movie "The Craft." It intrigued me so greatly that I went and did a ton of online research because I thought it was so cool. Around that time, I had already begun distancing myself from the Catholic religion that I had been brought up in. It just seemed too robotic, too concrete, too boring for me. It got to a point where I would either refuse to go to church, find an excuse not to go, or go to church to make my parents happy, only to fall asleep in the middle of mass or be bored out of my mind.

I found the concept of Wicca and witchcraft very interesting, so I delved further and further into that world, brining a few friends with me. These friends of mine who joined up with me saw The Craft at around the same time and were also interested in it, so we decided that it was better for us to all stick together on it and share information with each other. Soon, we began casting spells, nothing too intricate, just simple rain chants, glamours, etc. We also begun having dreams, very vivid and colorful dreams about random things. This whole escapade with witchcraft lasted us until about the middle of the school year of 8th grade. The others had said that they had grown out of it. After that, I tried to continue on, but it just didn't feel the same, and I eventually lost interest in it. All that was left of those days were the books that i had bought.

Summer came along and I went to the Philippines for summer vacation. While I was there, I discovered something that revived my interest in these things/brought me further along my growth. My cousin's husband, apparently, was also on a path of enlightenment, and he had been reading up and practicing all kinds of stuff with energy and chi manipulation, astral projection and the like. When I found this out, you can bet I was at their house all the time, always asking questions and wanting to learn more. My nephew was right there with me, always learning, and I remember I was always just a little bit jealous of him because he always seemed to be more advanced than I was. So throughout the summer, I tried to absorb as much from my cousin as I could, and he taught us everything that he could in such a short time. When it was time for me to go back home to Saipan, he gave me a couple of books to read if I was really serious about all this stuff.

When I got back, I started reading some of the books that he had given me, but eventually the rush of freshman year of high school life got to me and I once again drifted away from my path. I got so caught up in high school drama and high school business that I ended up pushing this side of me away for a while. It was on and off for me after that, my interest in the occult usually being re-sparked by me occasionally finding old stuff that I used to read or practice. Now, 7 years later, I am more determined than ever to further myself and my spirituality. I am much more mature now, and hopefully much more able to concentrate on these things. This time around of me rediscovering this path, I have already made significant progress. Back in the day, I could never meditate because I just would never be able to clear my mind; I'd always get distracted and let my mind wanter off because I didn't really know how to control my thoughts yet. While I do not know 100% how to control my thoughts, I most definitely can meditate now and I can also bring myself back to center when I find my mind straying away. It's great.

I choose to follow the path of shamanic practice because I believe it's what my ancestors and my family have been practicing for quite some time. For some reason, though, it stopped with my mother and father's generation. As far as I know, my family has had at least one person on each side (my mother's side and my father's side) set on a spiritual/shamanic path. When it came down to my parents' generation, however, it stopped. Before my mother and her sisters decided not to continue the line, her mother, grandmother, and great grandmother had all been popular practicing midwives back in the day. When I was a kid, I would remember that my father's cousin would always be making these little agimats (not too sure what the translation is in english, I think it's amulet?) for us to attach to the waistband of our shorts/pants to protect us from "something." That's all she ever explained, was that it was to protect us from "something." Of course, back then I just accepted it because I had no idea what was going on. Looking back on it now, however, I realize that she was on this path as well. For as long as I can remember, though my dad doesn't practice anything (as far as I know, that is), he has always been reading books about metaphysical topics and stuff like that. For whatever reason, the family's spiritual line skipped a generation and ended up calling out to me. While I don't mind this, I just wish that my parents could have continued with their family traditions... It would have made it a lot easier on me, you know?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading my book.